Work

Lately it seems like my job is my haven. 

I've always been a worker. I've never not worked, so I don't know how it would be to not. I had my first real, taxable job at age 12 and have only ever had very short breaks of unemployment since then. Even all throughout college I worked. Maybe only 9 hours a week, but I always felt the need to work. I think I find self-worth in it (regardless of the fact that I've always wanted or needed money). Plus, I am a very independent person and I can't imagine not at least trying to be self-sufficient. Even when I can't seem to get my personal life in order, at least I can know that I accomplished and earned all that I did while doing my 40 hours at work that week.

Work can also be a great distraction. Throughout my pregnancy and after the placement of E, I know that working full time helped me in many ways. It was my encouragement to get out of bed & keep surviving on some of the harder days. Most people at work didn't know that I placed, so it was where I could pretend that things were going great for me and that I was anxiously awaiting E's birth and later enjoying my newborn at home. It kept my mind off my emotions for at least 8 hours a day. It helped me feel like I was accomplishing something and that those 9 months weren't setting me back in my life. After I placed, I went back to work 2 weeks later, although even my boss encouraged me to take more time off. I needed to be at work. To be busy and productive.

I can absolutely understand women that desire to work, even if they financially might not 'need' to after they are married with kids or whatever the situation may be. At work I don't have to think about my personal problems or really think about anything except work. Its a nice break from reality, although its basically just another reality of its own. But, its work, and therefore problems at work (at least for me), aren't going to affect me as much as my personal challenges.

Luckily I haven't had many problems at work lately. My biggest problem is that I am really busy, which is a great problem to have in our business. My boss is seriously like a dream boss. I'm so so so grateful for that! The manager or boss' attitude changes the entire feeling in the office and luckily he is very positive and makes things fun. So, if he is there, I know that I am going to have a pretty good day. Its nice to have that assurance when I go to work. That has definitely helped me get through my trials the last few months and keep continuing on, day after day. It is stable and reliable and I am confident at work. I am the trainer, so I am teaching all throughout the day and sharing my knowledge, which is always rewarding.

Work is good. Although I often tell myself I wish I didn't have to work, I don't know what I would do without it.