Telling

This is what every birth parent dreads…telling their parents that they are pregnant. I dreaded it for so long that it basically had to be pried out of me. 

When I was 12 weeks along, I went home to my parent’s house for Christmas. I had known I was pregnant for about 7 weeks. My best friend Chrissy and the birth father were the only ones that knew my secret. These 7 weeks were the worst of my life. I was alone and depressed and torn inside. I wanted to get away from P more than anything, but I was worried that if I left him, I would have no one. I wasn’t sure if my parents would want me anymore. I had a plan in mind to go back to P and move to Hawaii if my parents didn’t want me to be with them. Every time I talked to my mom or dad on the phone I ached to tell them. I needed help but was so scared.

While I was home for Christmas, I kept hoping that my mother would realize I was pregnant. I was sick and didn’t eat much, and at Christmas that is very peculiar for me! Well, she didn’t. A few days before I had planned to go back to Provo, my mom was inspired to schedule a doctor’s appointment for me (A few weeks before I had slipped on the ice and my ankle still hurt). I knew that this meant they would take an X-Ray. And that the doctor would put the little guard on me to protect against damage to a fetus (hopefully).

When we got to the doctor’s office, as expected, I was put in the X-Ray room. But, the doctor didn’t put the guard on! Inside I was debating on asking him if he was going to, because I really didn’t want my baby to be hurt, but at the same time I was worried that it would lead to more questions. Before I could ask, he peeked his head back in and asked, “Is there any way that you could be pregnant?” Wow, worst question he could possibly ask. And in front of my mother! I feebly answered ‘Yes’. The doctor could see that this was the first time I had admitted it to my mom and hurriedly put on the guard and stepped out. Once he did, my mom said “You are??”.

The rest of the doctor’s visit was horrible. I was only a tiny bit relieved that my mom knew, because she was understandably very upset. She wanted more details and I couldn’t even talk. I silently cried throughout the rest of the appointment. The poor nurses and doctor…I feel so bad for them, how awkward! On the ride home I was able to tell her a little more. She told me that as soon as we got home she was going to go get my dad and we would talk about it in their room. 

I sat in their room and bawled. I was still so scared of their response. When my dad came up he held me for a long time and I felt loved. I was finally able to give them some more details. They were concerned that I really did want to go back to P, because I had already lied to them and said that we were no longer together. I confirmed that I knew I didn’t want to be with him. My dad told me I was welcome at their home, as long as I abided by their rules. I had to be honest with them, go to the doctor, meet with my bishop and go to LDS Family Services to talk to someone about my options. I was happy to hear this, as much as it pained me to know I had hurt them. 

My parents told my younger brothers and my older sister that same day. They all hugged me and cried with me. I was glad they knew, but I still felt alone. I knew how hard my journey was going to be and I still had to officially break it off with P. 

That next week my parents took me to Provo and we packed up my things at my apartment. I left P’s things outside his home and left him a goodbye note. He knew this was coming, but it still hurt so bad. 

I am so grateful that I was able to tell my parents. Once I did, I found hope in my future and my baby’s as well. I got the help I needed, but was too afraid and ashamed to ask for.