Relinquishment

I am remembering my court date today. 

Where I relinquished my rights as a mother to my sweet little E. 

In some states the birth parents are not required to go in front of a judge to place a child for a adoption, but in Idaho they are. My experience was a little different than the average adoption. Most birth mothers I know went to court to legally finalize placement after the physical placement of their child. I went to the judge while I still had time with E. 

It was a Wednesday morning and E was born on Sunday morning. There were some complications when she was born, so she was in the NICU for 7 days after she was born. Therefore, I got more time with her, which I was very happy about of course. But, in order for the adoptive couple's insurance to take effect and cover the NICU costs, I had to sign the legal placement papers before the physical placement. Needless to say, this day was probably just as emotionally draining as the day I actually placed E with her parents. 

First, on Tuesday afternoon I had to meet with my caseworker and also the social worker from the hospital. I had to sign LDS Family Service's papers and also the hospitals papers. I still get annoyed when I think of the hospital's social worker that wore way too much bright blue eye makeup & was all perky next to my bed side as she pretended to care about how I was feeling. Meanwhile I was bawling as I signed and reassured them that I knew what I was doing. 

Halfway through signing these papers I got the news that the adoptive couple was here from California to see me and meet E. That sent me a little over the top. Looking back I wish we could have staggered the events a little. 

I had gotten dressed into 'real' clothes that day, instead of the unflattering hospital gown. I did my hair and makeup in order to try to look pretty and prepared I guess. Well, really I just wanted the adoptive couple to accept me and think I was primed for the day! I always feel more confident when I feel I look nice. But, of course by then I was a mess. Mascara everywhere and puffy red face-ness. I tried to procrastinate the adoptive couple coming up to my room, but after multiple reminders that they were waiting, I said they could come up. This was hard. I am realizing right now that I have never written down specifics about the week I had with E, the placement, or even her birth. Its very precious and painful for me.

Anyways, I feel like my placement was split into 3 events:

    1. Tuesday: I let the couple meet and spend time with E
    2. Wednesday:Legal placement at the courtroom
    3. Sunday: Physical placement at my parent's home

I got discharged from the hospital on Tuesday afternoon. Each night E was in the NICU I stayed until at least 11:00pm to be with her, and Tuesday was no different. Early Wednesday morning I went to the Pocatello Idaho Courthouse for our appointment with the judge. LDSFS brought a lawyer and my caseworker was there as well. It was even more official than I thought it would be. 

We sat down in the all too real and scary courtroom and waited for the judge to come in. I wasn't sure exactly what they would ask me and what I would have to do. It ended up being a pretty quick process once the judge got in there (from what I remember). The lawyer did most the talking while explaining the situation and my decision. The judge allowed me to stay sitting in the 'comfy' chair instead of on the stand, because I was 'tender from giving birth recently,' as my lawyer put it. The judge asked me a couple times if I was on any drugs and absolutely aware of the decision I was about to make. I was teary but able to get through it. 


I think this process was less emotional for me than it could have been because right afterward I went to the hospital and spent the rest of the day with E. I'm thankful that I had a somewhat gradual placement, although it may have felt better to 'tear off the band-aid' quickly. Mostly I am just glad I had the time that I did with E. I love her.