Being A Birthmother's Husband

I got these questions from Stepanie's Blog and thought it was a great idea!

Here are some questions that my husband Scott answered about being married to a birth mother:

1. How did you meet?

We met at a church institute class.

2. How did she tell you about her adoption?

I had already figured out that she had placed a baby for adoption before she ever told me. (she had pictures of a baby and talked about adoption a lot) I asked her over dinner after we had been dating for awhile if she had had a baby.

3. How did you react?

I was happy that she let me know about that part of her life and that we could be more open with each other in our relationship. I think from that point on we became a lot closer.

4. What do you talk about when you talk about the child she placed? How often?

She has a very open adoption and we talk about her child very often. We talk about how she misses her and the experience of being pregnant and also about the birthfather sometimes.

5. How do you know she's having a "low time” & how do you help her heal?

Being a part of her life for so long now I can tell when she is thinking of her child and when the hard times are. Around the birth date and mother’s day are usually the hardest days for her. All I can really do for her is be there for her. You can’t stop the pain but you can help it…just hold her.

6. If there is a girl, who doesn't know when to tell a guy that she's a birth mom, when would be a good time to tell her significant other? 

I am an open person and I was very glad that I found out early in our relationship. But that is not true for every guy. I think that the birthmother has to feel comfortable and know she can trust the other person.

7. Does your family know about her being a birth mom? 

Yes. My family does know and they still love and adore my wife. It takes a very strong person to give their baby up for adoption and my family loves her for that and supports her 100%.

8. How did they react? 

Surprised at first but after being able to ask questions and talk with my wife they respect and love her more than ever.

9. Do you plan on telling your children about their half brother/sister? 

Yes. E is as much a part of our family as they will be.

10. How would your relationship be different if she hadn't placed?  

Honestly I don’t think there would be that much of a difference in our relationship if she hadn’t. I love her no matter what.

11. Do you think you would've met or even dated her if she single parented? 

If she had kept the baby I think it would have been a little more intimidating at first, but I would like to think that yes I still would have dated her.

12. How has adoption affected your relationship? 

It has opened my eyes to a whole new world I didn’t know was out there. I enjoy volunteering or working with my wife on adoption stuff to help other families out there.

13. Have you met her baby? 

Yes I have. And I love E very much

14. Do you feel like the baby comes first in your relationship? Or you feel second best? 

No not at all. E is a very important part of our relationship but no one person comes before each other.

15. Are you worried that she won't love your children as much as her first child?  

Not at all. She is a loving person and has the biggest heart of anyone I have ever met in my life. She has a limitless space in her heart for love.

Wow, isn't he awesome? I am so lucky and blessed to have such 
an understanding and loving husband! 

Scott with E last year in California