Baby Loss

Last Thursday we were enjoying delicious grilled kabobs, sitting around a table with 5 of our friends. The guys were happily reminiscing of younger days, then the conversation drifted to the future. Shelley & Trevor talked about what they were debating on naming their child, whom Shelley was currently 9 months and 1 week pregnant with. We had a great night together, enjoying the beautiful view from their deck. Before we left we wished Shelly luck with her delivery, which we hoped would be soon.

Fast forward a few days to when we received a text from Trevor stating that Shelley had given birth to their baby boy, Luke, but that he didn't make it. Shock vibrated through my body and chills ran up my spine. "But we just saw them on Thursday, how could this happen?!" I cried for the pain and heartache I knew they had been through and would continue to experience. "It has been a crazy hard weekend and I hate to have to tell you this", his text said. I can only imagine.

The past few days I have just been sick about their loss & trying to understand it. I sent a message to my dear friend Tara who recently lost her baby boy, Kaden, asking for advice on what we could possibly do to show our love for them. She sent me to this website and told me about a couple books I could give Shelley, that had helped her in her loss. I found a beautiful card to give her & Tara let me know that just knowing that people cared was what helped her the most. 

We went to the funeral for little Luke today. I was dreading it, but now I am really glad that we were able to go and be a support for our friends. I am amazed at the strength of Shelley and Trevor. They both spoke & Trevor read aloud the journal entry he wrote after all the events took place. It was so real and raw and courageous. The baby’s umbilical cord had actually been tied in a complete knot and Luke was still-born. The night that we were at their home, Shelley was already worrying since she hadn’t felt the baby kick in quite awhile. And the next day they got the horrible news.

Shelley also spoke at the funeral about the experience. But instead of focusing on details, she focused on how she has been able to get through the pain. Her testimony and faith in the Lord is amazing. If anyone can make it through this trial, it is her. I know that God never gives you more than you can handle and I believe this even more when I look at her. Strong women are given the strongest trials, because they can overcome. 

I will never forget watching them walk out of the chapel; Trevor holding his baby boy’s casket and Shelley holding the flower arrangement that was on top. They are infinitely stronger as a couple because of their loss. 

I guess I don’t know why I am sharing all this, except for the fact that I just can’t stop thinking about it. My heart aches for them. I have experienced similar grief while placing E and it is such a tender situation. I have heard a few birth moms say that at times they almost wish their child had died instead of them going through the process of placing the child for adoption. At least then the baby is still yours and not eternally sealed to another family. I felt this a few times when all the pain was still so fresh. But I know that is just grief talking. No parent should have to miss out on seeing what their child’s smile looks like or holding their baby’s warm body in their arms, if only for a few minutes.

I pray for my friends and all those that have lost children, at any stage of pregnancy or life. I know the pain will never be completely gone & that Luke will always be a part of their lives. I am grateful, now more than ever, to know that families can be together forever & that we will all be reunited with our loved ones someday.

After seeing our friends lose a baby, I realize we really are grown-ups now. And its not very fun.

Trevor and Shelley on their wedding day