Sunshine in my soul

Lately I have been feeling like crap (Simply put).

I’ve felt like nothing I was doing mattered and that very few people truly cared about me. Of course, my family and my friends love me, but I just felt like I wasn’t really that important to anyone. Out of sight out of mind, kinda thing.

I’ve felt like I don’t do anything that matters to anyone besides me, or even my husband. Sometimes you just get stuck in the rut of daily life and think that all your life is about is going to work and paying the bills.

Sometimes I wonder if anyone even thinks about me or cares (besides my husband, who is constantly reminding me how great I am…love him for that!).

But, I do know some people that think of me often and truly love me for me; E & her family.

So, I decided I really needed a break from life and a chance to go spend time with them! I tried getting some people to go with me with no luck (making me feel even worse), so I just went by myself while my husband was out of town.

I drove the 11 hours to their home and was so happy to see them! It was such a breath of fresh air when E & her sister were so excited to see me and show me all the different things they loved doing.

While I was there, I realized it was actually a blessing that I was able to go on the trip alone. I have never had that much alone time with E & her family. I really got to know them better and enjoy the stages that both the girls were at in their young lives.

E is truly understanding that I am her birth mother and that she was in my stomach. She mentioned it a few times and kept asking if I had my own daughter yet. SO cute! She totally understands the basic concepts of a family and knew that Scott & I would have our own children. I know her parents have taught her well and been very honest with her. She even showed me the adoption book I made her and we looked through it together.

I also loved getting to know M (E’s older sister) better. Unfortunately, her relationship with her birthmother is not very open right now and she hasn’t had any visits since birth. She really wishes she could see her and was so sweet about it. She mentioned something like “I haven’t even met her but I still miss her.” If only her birthmother could hear that! I wish I could meet her as well, since I feel like we are connected in a special way.

This trip really rejuvenated me and I have been missing their family ever since!

It is amazing the difference feeling loved can do for you. After visiting I felt like I had worth and that the things I do and have done really do make a difference. When I am down I can remember that 4 years ago I made the wonderful choice of adoption, which is something I can always be proud of.

 

                           This photo of E was taken this summer (by her mom) while she was in Sweden.