I have finally found happiness.
I am so happy.
I have found real love. Real, honest, lasting love.
Scott proposed to me last thursday & we are engaged to be married on May 23rd, 2009!
February 2nd will mark the sixth month we've been dating. Ever since he first asked me out, he has been the sweetest, most caring & respectful man I've ever dated. He loves me so much & I ask myself why all the time. He is so good to me. He tells me over and over how much he loves me and why. He truly thinks I am beautiful & wants to spend his life with me. He lets me be myself and loves me for it. He accepts me for all I am and all I've been.
I never thought I would ever have a love like this. Not that I didn't deserve it, but just that it wouldn't happen for me, it wasn't in my destiny to have a love be so gentle & complete. He has taught me so much about myself & who I want to become. He has let me heal and shown me what love should look like & feel. Its such a drastic difference from the past! I am amazed over and over that a man that loves me doesnt have to be jealous or selfish or angry all the time. There are good men out there! That just want to love a woman fully and be loved in return. I've found one & I'm not letting him go! I'm so glad God loves me enough to give me Scott & put us together.
I know things won't be perfect & we'll have bumps along the way, and already have. But, we have the Love needed to get through it all & the desire to make each other happy. Everyday, our love grows. I am so excited for the future!
It's been so hard to be patient through all the years & months & days, trying to stay faithful & not lose sight of the things I really want. I'm so grateful that God has blessed me so much. I couldn't ask for anything more. Love is all you need. All the temporal, physical issues and problems will work themselves out if you don't allow them power to ruin you.
Stay strong. Its so hard sometimes to keep on going, but I truly know that God blesses his faithful children. Enduring to the end doesn't mean being perfect. It means not giving up. Keeping your values and standards to the best of your ability. Theres so much love to give and so much life to live. Its endless.
I am finally letting myself be happy. Its such a release. Committing to becoming the type of person you want to become, for your own well-being is a big step. Acknowledging that you are worth it & deserving is sometimes the hardest part. You're the one with the biggest influence on yourself & your life. Determine where you'll go!
Scott is my best friend & my encouragement & my life. He wants me to be happy, above all else. He loves that E is a part of my life. I've dreamed of a man being so accepting of my love & experiences with her. He truly is absolutely perfect in this area & thats so important to me. He later told me he knew about E before he even asked me out :)
I've found that this is real, ordinary love. I used to hope for and think true love would be some fantasy & I'd be madly in love in all aspects and just be swept off my feet! And sure, I've had those moments. But, love that lasts isnt like that. Love is peaceful & safe & selfless & warm. Its fun & exciting & sweet & happy. Having someone to be a witness to my life, & experience all that I experience, is the most fulfilling part. Love isn't superficial. I've had to put aside some preconceived ideas & fantasys, as you could call them, & accept genuine, tangible realities. Its easy to fall in love, if you let yourself. Open your heart and see the good.
Last week I had one of my sweetest moments with Scott. I will never forget it. We were driving home from a movie & for some reason I was thinking of my last night alone with E in the hospital. It hurts so bad to think of that night...when I said goodbye to her, as her mother. I just started crying, slowly at first, then I couldn't stop. I cried and cried for a long time & Scott just sat there & held me, not saying a word. I was literally sobbing hysterically (not cute) & releasing so many feelings & stored up emotions. Afterwards he just layed with me and told me how sorry he was & that he loved me. I love him so much for that. Find a man that will tell you how beautiful you are, when your face is swollen and smeared with mascara, after crying over the daughter you love, that isn't his. I'm so blessed to finally have him & his love.
Everything will be okay now.
February 2nd will mark the sixth month we've been dating. Ever since he first asked me out, he has been the sweetest, most caring & respectful man I've ever dated. He loves me so much & I ask myself why all the time. He is so good to me. He tells me over and over how much he loves me and why. He truly thinks I am beautiful & wants to spend his life with me. He lets me be myself and loves me for it. He accepts me for all I am and all I've been.
I never thought I would ever have a love like this. Not that I didn't deserve it, but just that it wouldn't happen for me, it wasn't in my destiny to have a love be so gentle & complete. He has taught me so much about myself & who I want to become. He has let me heal and shown me what love should look like & feel. Its such a drastic difference from the past! I am amazed over and over that a man that loves me doesnt have to be jealous or selfish or angry all the time. There are good men out there! That just want to love a woman fully and be loved in return. I've found one & I'm not letting him go! I'm so glad God loves me enough to give me Scott & put us together.
I know things won't be perfect & we'll have bumps along the way, and already have. But, we have the Love needed to get through it all & the desire to make each other happy. Everyday, our love grows. I am so excited for the future!
It's been so hard to be patient through all the years & months & days, trying to stay faithful & not lose sight of the things I really want. I'm so grateful that God has blessed me so much. I couldn't ask for anything more. Love is all you need. All the temporal, physical issues and problems will work themselves out if you don't allow them power to ruin you.
Stay strong. Its so hard sometimes to keep on going, but I truly know that God blesses his faithful children. Enduring to the end doesn't mean being perfect. It means not giving up. Keeping your values and standards to the best of your ability. Theres so much love to give and so much life to live. Its endless.
I am finally letting myself be happy. Its such a release. Committing to becoming the type of person you want to become, for your own well-being is a big step. Acknowledging that you are worth it & deserving is sometimes the hardest part. You're the one with the biggest influence on yourself & your life. Determine where you'll go!
Scott is my best friend & my encouragement & my life. He wants me to be happy, above all else. He loves that E is a part of my life. I've dreamed of a man being so accepting of my love & experiences with her. He truly is absolutely perfect in this area & thats so important to me. He later told me he knew about E before he even asked me out :)
I've found that this is real, ordinary love. I used to hope for and think true love would be some fantasy & I'd be madly in love in all aspects and just be swept off my feet! And sure, I've had those moments. But, love that lasts isnt like that. Love is peaceful & safe & selfless & warm. Its fun & exciting & sweet & happy. Having someone to be a witness to my life, & experience all that I experience, is the most fulfilling part. Love isn't superficial. I've had to put aside some preconceived ideas & fantasys, as you could call them, & accept genuine, tangible realities. Its easy to fall in love, if you let yourself. Open your heart and see the good.
Last week I had one of my sweetest moments with Scott. I will never forget it. We were driving home from a movie & for some reason I was thinking of my last night alone with E in the hospital. It hurts so bad to think of that night...when I said goodbye to her, as her mother. I just started crying, slowly at first, then I couldn't stop. I cried and cried for a long time & Scott just sat there & held me, not saying a word. I was literally sobbing hysterically (not cute) & releasing so many feelings & stored up emotions. Afterwards he just layed with me and told me how sorry he was & that he loved me. I love him so much for that. Find a man that will tell you how beautiful you are, when your face is swollen and smeared with mascara, after crying over the daughter you love, that isn't his. I'm so blessed to finally have him & his love.
Everything will be okay now.
3 comments:
janessa this is the most precious thing i have ever read. it gives me hope for a good future! and it gives me comfort knowing how happy and in love you are-- i know scott is going to take great care of you! thanks for being my girl and being so great and amazing. i love you!
ok so now that my mascara is ruined...what awesome insight and wisdom always remember it! Love you and I love Scott already even though I haven't met him...u da bomb!!! Congrats! I wish I could come to the wedding...we'll see.
Love you,
Laura
I am so excited for you and Scott!! I love what you wrote, you are an amazing woman! Plus, Dave is happy to have another person in the family who can talk "computer talk" :)
Love ya!!
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