Strength

I wrote this in response to my entry on 7/13/06: In my mind: Weakness

I think I have figured out what I need, so that I can overcome my weaknesses. For so long I have tried to be so independent and so strong on my own. I was ‘in charge’ of my life and doing what I chose. But now that I look back I realize I wasn’t doing anything I truly, deeply wanted to do. I let others decide who I was, the image I portrayed and what I did.

I know the main reason I am changing my life and doing the things I really want to do now is because I realized I couldn’t do it alone anymore. I needed help, and always will. I get that help and strength from the Lord, my family, the bishop, my case worker, and my good friends.

God doesn’t want us to be alone and true freedom comes from relying on others help.

Progress

Today was a good day.

Lately I have been doing so much better. I don’t cry as much and feel so much more peace and hope. I love my baby so much. Right now I am about 24 weeks along.
I am not sick anymore, which has been so nice. Now I can enjoy the precious time I have with my baby. I am so thankful for her and the huge impact she has had on my life and others already. If I wasn’t pregnant, I don’t think I ever would have had the courage to leave P and I would have faced a lifetime of sadness, regret and emptiness. At times it has been so lonely without him, and I've missed him. But, I know I will always love him, no matter what happens. He put me through so much pain and suffering, but I also made wrong choices and it is not all his fault. I have forgiven him and pray for his happiness often. All I ever wanted was for him to be happy, whether or not it meant us being together.