Losing Control can mean so many different things. Mostly negative.
In my case (as a birth mother) losing control of my daughter was a positive and negative thing. It meant that E was now with her adoptive family and they had control of her life. And, it meant that I had lost all control of E's life. This was a HUGE transition and a pretty hard process.
I like to consider myself a very 'in control' type of person. I am very independent. Why? Because I can rely on and trust myself. I feel I am very responsible and can 'take care of myself.' I have the attitude that if I do things on my own, I don't run the risk of being let down by someone else. So, when it came to relinquishing the control of my own daughter, this was incredibly hard.
I went from having 100% of the control, to 0%. While E was growing inside of me for 9 months, she was entirely my responsibility and no one else could even get to her, without my permission. I loved this and cherished the time that she was totally mine. I ate healthy, exercised daily and did my best to nurture and protect my unborn baby.
Once she was born, I started to lose some of this control. The doctors and nurses took over for awhile, because she was in the NICU. Her pediatrician in the hospital was a jerk and didn't seem to think I cared or needed to know anything about the health of my child while she was there. Because he knew I was placing, he just decided that meant I didn't want to know. (Hopefully he can someday overcome his preconceived notions about birth mothers...and I like to think that I encouraged that.) I hated not being the first to know everything that was going on with my baby. I hadn't even placed her yet and I wasn't in control! I was not emotionally expecting this.
Then, once the adoptive couple came and I had to do 'legal placement', I lost more control. I wasn't the only person with access to my baby while she was in the NICU anymore. The nurses did all they could to ensure that only the people I wanted to be there could be, and that helped. But, I did want the adoptive couple to be able to see and hold E, it was all part of my adoption process. Slowly losing the control was the hard part. She was mine! (and so precious and perfect and adorable and wonderful!)
A truly painful moment was when the pediatrician sat down with the adoptive couple and I to talk about E's health and what care she would need after leaving the hospital. He spoke to them. Not me. He wouldn't even look at me. I didn't matter anymore. I wouldn't be the one taking care of her anymore. I would have no control. It hurt and I broke down in front of them. I hated myself for this. For losing control of myself and my baby. I was supposed to be the very responsible and strong mother that could have taken care of my child and didn't "need" to place her for adoption.
Thankfully, I had built trust with the adoptive couple and I knew that they would take care of my little baby. I trusted in them and I trusted in the Lord. I could give them the control and that made the physical placement much easier. I had to know that they would take great care of her. Seeing them with their first child helped a lot. I knew that they had a healthy, loving relationship with her and would continue that with all their children.
Losing control is traumatic. But, I got through it and continue to. Having people close to you that you can trust fully helps so much. The hard part is letting yourself trust others and allowing them to help. That's something I will have to work on for the rest of my life.
